One of the more interesting comments I had from a reader was "[before the Week 1 challenge] I'd never asked my husband what he likes" which gave me the idea for the Week 2 challenge: a good solid exploration of our likes... and dislikes.
Aka Erogenous Zones...
How to find the ones that are already there AND how to turn non-erogenous zones into erogenous ones.
The first part might be fairly straightforward for some - perhaps you already know your zones, or think you do. But it could be that your partner doesn't know them all - or that you don't know all your partners.
So, take it in turns, I suggest this to be a naked exercise, but you could experiment with clothes on and then clothes off if you wish.
One of you lie down, either on your back or front. You'll switch sides half way. Start with giving the person lying down a 'tickle' massage. Soft fingers running along the whole body, front and back, from toes, to inner thighs, behind the knees, the lower pelvis (around the bladder area), the perineum, the breasts, the sides of the breasts, the underarms, your sides, your middle back, the top of your butt (just below and on either side of your tailbone), your neck, forehead, ears.
The body parts I've mentioned here are those where yummy pressure points are located, but of course you can be more thorough.
Where do you like it? Where do you not? Where is it ticklish and you want it to stop? Make a mental note of it.
Next, try a slightly more pressured massage - be specific about what you like - do you love your head rubbed? But does it need to be rubbed in a particular way to feel good? Demonstrate if need be. Where do you like the pressure? Where not?
Okay now forget about hands and try feet - sound crazy? Maybe - but who knows, it could work... foot fetishes are common enough. But 'fetish' aside, just using something that is broader, heavier less dextrous, less commonly used, with less sensitivity than your hands, could create a pleasurable experience. If it's woman on man, try feet around his penis, or man on woman: use your foot to create pressure on the pelvic/bladder area. Start lightly, of course..
Now abandon limbs and try with your tongue! Lick lick lick - where does it feel good to be licked, where does it feel icky? Make a note of it. Go everywhere.. (keep a drink of water handy, tongues could get dry covering all that surface area!)
At this point - feel free to get creative - any type of touching I've missed? Try it out.
After that, and this could be an exercise for a separate night as the erogenous zone discovery could itself lead to some good things...
Think about the places you didn't like being touched / licked or felt ticklish and wanted it to stop.
Those areas, I think, in actual fact, have the potential to be your most erogenous zones if you work on them.
To take a couple of common examples:
1. You feel ticklish when your belly or sides or underarms are softly touched.
Try to breathe, relax and make a mental shift between what you think is happening (i.e. you're being tickled) to what is really happening (you're being touched in an intimate place). Keep concentrating on what it feels like, goosebumps and all.
Keep thinking: "i like what is happening" rather than "i want this to stop"
Focus and feel. It will start to feel really, really good - all the more because your sensations are so heightened because your body is prepared to dislike it.
2. You don't like your ear lobes or ear insides licked.. feels icky?
Again, breathe, relax, make that mental shift from icky to sex. "I like what is happening"
It will feel good, possibly better than the places you naturally like to be touched or licked.
There are a few points to this exercise, firstly - to promote communication and slow process-driven exploration (building on from last week), secondly - to start to understand the power of the mind during sex, starting to challenge all your inherited beliefs and preconceptions about what you do and don't like, and starting to be more open to ideas and possibilities.
The reality is that what you like and what your partner likes won't always be the same thing. Rather than seeing that as a bad thing or an inhibiting thing, or "I'm doing something you like in exchange for you doing something I like". Instead, see it as a fun challenge, something new to explore and come to enjoy together. I'm not saying that you'll end up loving all the same things to the point where you become a well oiled tandem bicycle - no, clearly we are all individuals with our own sensitivities and likes and dislikes, - but if you take this attitude, you will start to enjoy the ride together more!
So: firstly work out what you like, then work out what your partner likes, then play with those things and become open to them yourself. It will be a stimulating and rewarding experience for both of you!
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